My Story

So I have been asking the members of the facebook page to share their stories, but came to the realization a little while ago that I should really share my story before I am asking that of anyone else. I guess one thing that was holding me back was that others have the option of anonymity, but in order for you to know that it is my story it takes that option away from me. I have always been a pretty open person and wear my emotions on my sleeve, but I guess it is daunting to throw your personal story – especially one that is so personal- out onto the internet for all to see.

My hope is that you find some encouragement from hearing it. My other hope is that you join me in trying to help others reverse the negative words in their past or to encourage young girls who need to know that life is more than just being thin and pretty.

Because I can be wordy, and because my struggle with this issue spans over many years I decided to break it into a few different posts.  Here is the first one:

My Story: The elementary school years

The first time I got called fat I was six.

I started to compare myself to others at that early age, and already started to feel that I was not good enough.

At age eight, a daycare teacher made reference to my weight in a rude way. To hear an adult refer to me in that way was very detrimental. It’s one thing when kids are mean, but as a child we tend to think that adults know everything.

By fifth grade I had heard words like that on several occasions.

One boy who repeatedly made fun of me was the best friend of my best friend’s brother. This meant that we would be often be in the same house or on the same outings, and he never seemed to miss an opportunity to put me down. He would make comments about me popping the tires when I got into the car or causing earthquakes when I walked into the room.

One particular time that I remember quite vividly, the family had a whiteboard in their family room (a room that was two steps down from the kitchen) and I had written “Sarah was here” (why was that a popular thing to say as a kid?) and then he later wrote “so that’s why the floor dropped down two feet!” I was crushed.

I remember a sleepover birthday party that same year where the girls at the party got out the scale and we weighed each other—(why in the world did that sound like a fun idea??) I was mortified that I was the only one who was over 100lbs. Of course my young brain couldn’t reason that I was also the tallest. I somehow seemed to be good friends with all of the shortest girls in class and was a head and shoulders taller than my best friend. No one ever told me that it would make sense for me to weigh more too.

I just interpreted all of that to mean that I was fat. Unacceptable. That there was something wrong with me.

During elementary school I was a good student, I was smart, I made friends fairly easily. I was funny and kind-hearted. At home I would put on plays and shows all the time. I sang and danced everywhere.  I loved animals. I tried to start an “Earth Saving Club” with my cousins. My main plan was to take my cousin’s little red wagon around to collect cans off the street that we could recycle and then I would use that money to save the rainforest. I was very good at drawing for my age. I remember all my friends wanting me to draw them Ariel (Little Mermaid) because that was my specialty. I liked to help younger children and make them smile.

My point is that I don’t think I was aware of any of that, or if I was it didn’t matter because I was not pretty enough and I was not skinny enough. I left elementary school believing that I was not good enough.

I headed into middle school, a time where everyone seems to develop emotional scars, already plenty wounded.

Here is a picture of me on the day of 5th grade graduation. I didn't know if my friend would want her picture on here, so because I am not photoshop savvy to blur just her face I made my best attempt. Sorry JM.

This is the first post in a series about “My Story”.  Join me in spreading the message of inner beauty at www.facebook.com/alightintheheart. If you have a story to share you can email it to alightintheheart@gmail.com.